And why what they shared is changing the way I think about support.
Last month, I asked a simple question.
I put out a short survey — no agenda, no pitch — just an honest invitation for neurodivergent mothers to tell me where they were in their journey and what was making it hard.
Fifteen women responded. And what they shared stopped me in my tracks.
Not because it was surprising. But because it was so deeply familiar.
I am a neurodivergent mother of a one-year-old and a three-year-old. I know what it is to be running on empty while the world expects you to show up looking like you have it together. I know the particular exhaustion of managing two small children, a business, a neurodivergent nervous system, and the invisible labour that somehow never makes it onto anyone’s to-do list but yours. I am living this alongside you — not as a distant expert looking in, but as someone in the thick of it, trying to figure it out too.
That is why I created this survey. Because I wanted to understand — really understand — what neurodivergent mothers are experiencing when it comes to returning to work. And because I believe that if we name what’s hard, honestly and without shame, we can start to build something better.
This post is for you. These are their words — and mine. And this is what we can learn from them.
Who These Women Are
The 15 women who responded were at every stage of the motherhood and work journey:
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Some were still on maternity leave, already dreading the return
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Some were preparing to go back in the coming weeks or months
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Some had recently returned and were still in the thick of it
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Some had returned some time ago but told me — honestly — that they still needed support
Every single one of them identifies as neurodivergent. Most are formally diagnosed. Some are self-identifying or in the process of exploring. A couple preferred not to say. But all of them were nodding along to the same challenges.
What They Told Me Was Hard
I asked them to tick everything that felt challenging right now. Here’s what came back — overwhelmingly, repeatedly, across almost every single response:
🔋 Energy, fatigue, and burnout
This was the number one theme. Not tiredness in the ordinary, new-parent sense — but the kind of bone-deep depletion that comes from running a neurodivergent nervous system through pregnancy, postpartum, and then back into a workplace that wasn’t designed for you in the first place.
One woman described it perfectly:
“I am still anaemic and exhausted but I know I have to look presentable and keep my energy up.”
That sentence. The gap between how you feel inside and what the world expects of you on the outside. That is the neurodivergent return to work experience, and it is exhausting in a way that is very hard to explain to people who haven’t lived it.
⚖️ Balancing work, childcare, and home life
Every single respondent ticked this one. Every. Single. One.
And it’s not simply a scheduling problem. For neurodivergent mothers, the mental load of managing multiple systems — childcare logistics, work deadlines, household tasks, sensory needs, their own regulation — without the executive function support that neurotypical parents may take for granted, is genuinely overwhelming.
As one woman put it:
“It’s just neverending. I am drowning in stuff.”
😟 Confidence and identity after becoming a mother
Matrescence — the identity shift that happens when you become a mother — hits neurodivergent women particularly hard. Your sense of self, your professional identity, your ability to trust yourself: all of it can feel like it’s been scrambled.
Several women spoke about feeling lost. One wrote:
“I feel lost, incapable and constantly spiralling.”
Another said simply:
“I simply cannot cope with being a mother and working.”
These are not the words of women who are failing. These are the words of women who are carrying something enormous — without the right support.
📋 Planning, organisation, and getting started
Executive dysfunction doesn’t take maternity leave. If anything, it intensifies when you add sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and the cognitive load of caring for a small human into the mix. Getting started, staying organised, and following through on tasks that used to feel manageable can suddenly feel impossible.
🗣️ Asking for adjustments and support at work
Multiple women flagged this — and it tells me something important. Many neurodivergent mothers know they need adjustments at work, but asking for them is its own challenge. Masking, imposter syndrome, fear of judgment, not knowing what they’re entitled to — all of it gets in the way.
What They Said They Needed
I also asked what support would make the biggest difference. The responses were honest, varied, and — I’ll be transparent — they moved me.
Some needed practical systems and structures. Some needed someone who truly understands. Some needed their partners to acknowledge that returning to work after maternity leave is not the same as coming back from a holiday. As one woman wrote:
“It’s a rite of passage, a life event — and it’s hard. It deserves to be respected for the life change, the identity change it is.”
Yes. Exactly that.
One woman said she wanted a document to share with Occupational Health. Another said she needed support for her neurodivergent child alongside support for herself — because the two are deeply intertwined. And one simply said:
“I have no idea. I simply cannot cope.”
That level of honesty, from a stranger on the internet — it stays with me. Because I think it’s what so many of you feel but never say out loud.
What This Told Me — And What It Means for You
80% of the women who filled in this survey said yes when asked if they’d like to hear about a pilot return-to-work programme.
Eighty percent.
That is not a small number. That is a community of neurodivergent mothers actively raising their hands and saying: I need something that doesn’t exist yet. Please build it.
And I am listening.
As someone who has lived experience of neurodivergence — my own Dyspraxia diagnosis came during law school, at a time when I was navigating enormous pressure without the language or the support to make sense of it — I know what it is to feel like the systems around you weren’t built for a brain like yours. And I know that the right support, at the right time, can genuinely change everything.
The return to work as a neurodivergent mother is not a logistics problem. It is an identity, sensory, executive function, emotional regulation, self-advocacy, and systemic challenge — all happening at once, in a world that still doesn’t fully understand neurodivergence.
You are not failing. You are not broken. You are navigating something genuinely hard, without the roadmap you deserve.
What I’m Building in Response
This survey has confirmed what I already suspected — and it has given me a clear direction.
In direct response to what these 15 women told me, I am creating a masterclass specifically for neurodivergent mothers navigating the return to work. It will address the themes that came up most strongly: the burnout, the identity shift, the executive function challenges, the self-advocacy, and the very real question of how to ask for what you need in a workplace that may not yet understand you.
And in the longer term, I am building a full programme — one that provides sustained, structured support for neurodivergent mothers at every stage of this journey. From pregnancy, through maternity leave, to the return to work and beyond. Because what this survey made clear is that a one-off session isn’t enough. What this community needs is something deeper, something that truly holds the complexity of what you’re navigating. And I am committed to building it.
If you’d like to be the first to hear when the masterclass opens, make sure you’re on my list.
A First Step, Right Now
If you read this post and recognised yourself — in the exhaustion, the overwhelm, the identity wobble, the quiet sense of drowning — I want to offer you something practical.
I’ve created a free resource called “Stop Over-Explaining How You Work” — a Communication Profile designed specifically for neurodivergent mothers returning to work. It’s a tool to help you articulate your needs, your strengths, and how you work best — so you spend less energy explaining yourself and more energy actually doing the work.
👉 Download your free Communication Profile here
And if you’re at the point where you’re ready to talk — about coaching, about Access to Work funding, about what support might actually look like for you — I’d love to have a conversation.
You don’t have to keep doing this alone.
Merrigan Perera is a Neurodivergent Coach and Workplace Inclusion Specialist at Thrive Coaching London. She works with neurodivergent professionals and mothers to build sustainable strategies that work with their brain — not against it. She has lived experience of neurodivergence and is an ACC-accredited coach.
